So…instead of enjoying the beautiful Autumn Leaves in Virginia, or spending a leisurely Sunday Skypeing with children and grandchildren… Or delving into a good book… I spent the weekend sorting out various and sundry “stuff”, wondering why on earth I have accumulated so many things.

The problem that I have is that every little item I discover holds a tender memory, of my parents, my parents-in-law, my grandparents, my grandparents-in-law, my siblings and their families, my 2nd grade teacher, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. How do you discard those memories? I need them. I want them in my life. Yet, they contribute to a clutter that I am trying to resolve.

When I start packing a little cup (and I am chock-full of little cups), I remember vividly the occasion of receiving that little cup. My Polish teacher who first taught me Russian (when I was young and so excited about going to the USSR), gave me a Polish cup so that I would never forget about Poland – even though that happened about 20 years before I ever moved to Poland!

I once knew a lady who took her life in the Foreign Service as an opportunity to de-clutter her home every 3 years or so, including all her children’s stuffed animals and toys. She told me -many years ago- that her kids never, ever forgave her for being so callous. I was horrified then. Today, I am looking at Ninja turtles, lego critters, baseball cards, and wondering. Mmmm. Sometimes one needs to be heartless.

As I continue the process of filling up boxes and making decisions, I finally understand the significance of the Gospels, and why the Apostles were told -basically- drop everything and join “me”. Material things weigh heavily and draw us down. I also think about all those people who have suffered total losses with the California fires and the hurricanes. Am trying to understand my need to cling to objects that bring me close to my memories and to those whom I left behind or who have left me. War, natural disasters, they obliterate the “things”. Memories last a lifetime.

Going through old papers I found this little sketch that I had made. It brought back memories of the Czech forestry students who decorated the grounds. It also brought memories of the happy times my daughter Adriana and I spent in Prague: the times we shared with visitors (family and friends), the defining moments we shared with new friends -who have become lifelong friends-, the dead boar (THAT is another story for another day).

Oh well. I need to get back to the de-cluttering and packing. There is light at the end of the tunnel, I know. But, my tunnel is S-shaped, and I can’t see it now. But I know it’s there. I hope so!

(Originally journaled exactly 7 years ago, but it still applies! I am still grappling with de-cluttering and packing. “Plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose”!).